Seasons

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;

Ecc. 3:1-2a

It has been a very eventful week. Just speaking about Malaki he has made huge strides in his development. I kind of wish he could spread these milestones out a little - It's overwhelming to see him grow up so fast! This week he has:

• Learned to get to a sitting position from laying down all by himself
• Learned to pull up to standing (the logical next step) laying - sitting - standing
  
• Learned to CRAWL! (Nothing is safe anymore) July 17, 2008
• Learned to cruise around his crib! July 20, 2008
  
• Got a tooth! July 21, 2008
• Crawled up a step! (about five inches high) Today- July 23, 2008.
  
  

This week has also brought up many memories of the past year and a half. A good friend of ours, Miss Donna, died last Thursday after being sick for quite a while. Miss Donna was a dear, spunky lady. She was ready to go home; so, when she did pass away I felt sadness for myself and her family... but I was glad in a way. I'm thankful that she is home. I'm thankful that she isn't sick anymore. I'm thankful to have known her.

Brian has also been outside quite a bit - building a fence and being manly. He's working by a tree that is special to us both - the tree is nice, but that isn't why it's special. We planted it last year on August 1st - the due date of the baby we lost.

We found out we were pregnant the week before Thanksgiving 2006. I was so excited as I watched that second pink line appear on the test. Brian was happy also when I woke him up with the news. (I think he was actually awake but he pretended to be asleep for effect.) We made plans to tell our families at the Christmas - it would be a great present! We shopped for a new car, even test drove a couple minivans.
Our first appointment was the week before Christmas, "I'm not picking up a heartbeat, hon. Come back in a couple of days and we'll do another ultrasound and some bloodwork."
I didn't understand why in the world this would happen to us. I beat myself up for drinking too much coffee before I knew I was pregnant, and for walking too fast on the treadmill at the Y, for being too excited, and for letting Brian down. I felt really lonely with in my grief. When we stood in front of our church family to break the news I was numb. I couldn't say a thing. Thankfully Brian was strong for me. He comforted me with this verse:

You are good and you do good; teach me your statutes.
Psalm 119:68

He is good, and He does good. Really, He does. I still think about that baby every day. I know eventually I will probably think less about it... For now I'm still wondering if the baby was a boy or a girl, fussy or happy, dark hair or light... I'm thankful for that small link to the baby I never held. I'm comforted in knowing that God does good for his people even when it feels bad.

Bungled Communication

Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.
Proverbs 13:3

By the mouth of a fool comes a rod for his back, but the lips of the wise will preserve them.
Proverbs 14:3

Recently, I attempted to give some correction to a younger friend of mine. I was overconfident in my bright and shining "rightness" and gave this correction in a way that was not appropriate. I should have waited to have a real one-on-one conversation with him. Instead, I brought up the subject and made my opinion known in front of several other people. My victim was embarrassed, and hurt that I would do something like that. It was careless; I know that now.

As soon as he walked away, I knew I had to apologize to him for the way I confronted him. "Bah!" I thought, "Now I've blown it. I shouldn't have even opened my big mouth." Well, I'd like to say I was wrong, but I wasn't. I apologized and said "I'm sorry for the way I said that to you." He heard, "I'm sorry * * * I said that to you." And the next day he was doing the same thing again. I know that the correction I gave was right, but my timing and attitude were waaay off. So, in my blundering the entire point was lost.

So what is the reason for this post? Good question. It was a good reminder to me that even good words need to be said in the right setting, to the right audience, and with the right attitude - or they will be ineffective.

It's days like that that make me glad that the Holy Spirit translates my prayers for me.

Mommy Goals

I have decided to write begin a series of posts. They will just be some of the goals I'm setting for myself and maybe a short story of how it worked out (or didn't work out) that week.

Goal Numero Uno: Laugh with Malaki every day.

Four reasons for this goal:

1. 1. Malaki will learn to receive discipline better from me if he also receives laughter.
2. 2. We learn what is funny to each other.
3. 3. It makes our house brighter.
4. 4. I just like to hear him laugh.

Ugly

I've been reading through Matthew and something stood out to me that I never thought about before: Jesus heals the physically sick by erasing their sicknesses - He heals the spiritually dead by taking on the ugliness of their sins on the cross.

I was just imagining what Jesus would have looked like if he chose to take on all of the sicknesses that he healed - leprosy, paralysis, death, blindness... It isn't a beautiful thought. That is only because I can see that, I can imagine the ugliness of that.

Instead, he took on the sins of his people - jealousy, anger, lust, murder, selfishness, sloth... I had never thought deeply about how that looked to God the Father as he saw His son on the cross - much uglier than leprosy, or even death.

The sins Jesus died for should be more ugly to me even than the sickest of sickness. But, I don't usually see them that way. I'm much more likely to say of someone with cancer, "Oh, did you go see "so and so"? She really looks bad!" than to look in the mirror of the Word and be repulsed by the ugliness of my own sin.

Just a little gleaning from Matthew

1/3

The most important third of my family is in Haiti.

Brian called me last night and let me know that he, Matt, Travis and David have arrived safely in Haiti. They had a rough time with flights (missed, delayed... ect) but finally arrived late yesterday evening. The accomodations are not fancy, but they are safe. (Good news to all of us back here!) They were planning on visiting an orphanage today in the capital city.

Please remember the men if your prayers. This trip will be physically and emotionally taxing. Also, please remember the wives and our kids. It's hard to be without our husbands or dads.

Good Morning Isaiah

For the first time in a while I got to read my bible before Malaki woke up. I was blessed by this entire chapter of Isaiah, but this is the short version; notice the contrast between God's righteousness and our lowliness:

Fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

For I, the Lord your God,
hold your right hand;
it is I who say to you, “Fear not,
I am the one who helps you.”

Fear not, you worm Jacob,
you men of Israel!
I am the one who helps you, declares the Lord;
your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel.

Isaiah 41:10,13-14

Malaki - gotta love him!

Leave it to a mommy...

Today Malaki has been teaching me a few things. The way he interacts with me reminds me of why the bible directs us to be like little children. I love learning from him!

1. He can handle loud noises, crowds of people, strange foods... loud, strange
people, eating strange foods, as long as I am with him.

2. He wants to see me before he closes his eyes to sleep, and as soon as he opens them in the
morning.

3. He is eager to learn from me.

4. He is constantly growing.

5. He is totally dependent on me.

6. He wants whatever I give him.

7. He believes I will do what is good for him.

8. He struggles against me even when he knows I will win.

These reminders are good for me. I need to be more like Malaki in the way I react to my LORD and help Malaki fight against the tendencies we all have to resist what is good for us.

I'm thankful for the lesson.
Pretty cute teacher too...

Look out for the Enemy!

Encouragement from Elisabeth Elliott

"The Psalms are full of prayers to God to defeat adversaries-nations, foes, enemies. The Lord of hosts (also translated the Lord of the armies of heaven) is called upon to arise and conquer. People who live in a country not at war may tend to skip over such prayers as not applicable to them, unless they recognize as an adversary anything or anyone that would defeat the purpose of God.

The peoples shake their heads at us;...

I am covered with shame....

But we do not forget Thee,...

We have not gone back on our purpose....

Bestir Thyself, Lord; why cost Thou sleep?...

Arise and come to our help;

For Thy love's sake set us free.

(Ps 44:14,15,17,18,23,26 NEB)

If it were not for the adversaries who make us conscious of our impotence, how would we learn to trust God's omnipotence?"

By: Elisabeth Elliott
To read the entire devotion click here.

We are in great danger of becoming comfortable in our daily lives if we do not recognize the enemy. I think the last two lines show the importance of knowing the enemy and praying for deliverance. As the wise woman says, anything that attempts to destroy the purposes of God is the enemy. Watch out for the enemy - He could be anywhere!

How can I do it?

A result of Mother's Day - no doubt - I have been thinking, praying, fretting, about how to be a better mother. This may seem a little basic, but it was a good reminder for me. I had just been thinking about it and I walked into my sister in-law's room and saw this on her wall:

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

It's a good thing to remember in any relationship. All together it is a good passage, pretty familiar... Taken piece by piece it is much more challenging and hits a little closer to home.

The Root

"The reason we can't just make it all (anxiety and fear) go away is that fear isn't the root of our problem. Our anxiety is simply a symptom of something else, a tip off that our hearts are bent in the wrong direction." Trust by: Lydia Brownback

Anxiety is a sin. It isn't anything less, and there are no excuses. There are plenty of reasons to be anxious, but there are more reasons to "Trust in the LORD with all your heart..."

Psalm 13:5 But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.

Psalm 31:14 But I trust in you, O Lord; I say, “You are my God.”

Proverbs 29:25 The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.

Isaiah 12:2 “Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid; for the Lord God is
my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation.”

Isaiah 21:10 Who among you fears the Lord and obeys the voice of his servant? Let him who walks in darkness and has no light trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God.

Jeremiah 17:7 “Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord.

My King?

I was given a collection of books by Frances Ridley Havergal recently. As I was reading through the first one, My King, I stumbled across a thought-provoking chapter. It's too long to quote in it's entirety here - so I will just try to quote enough to be clear:

This is from the third day of My King

'Thou art my King.' -Psalm 44:4

FIRST, Can I say it?
Is Jesus in very deed and truth 'my King'? Where is the proof of it? Am I living in His kingdom of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Ghost' now?... Is my allegiance making any practical difference to my life to-day?

NEXT, Ought I to say it?
What! any question about that? The King, who came himself to purchase me from my tyrant and His foe; the King who laid aside his crown and his royal robes, and left his kingly palace, and came down Himself to save a rebel...He 'hath translated me into the kingdom of the Son of His love;' and shall the loyal words falter or fail from my lips, 'Thou art my King'?

LASTLY, do I say it?
DO my lips say, 'My Lord and My God'? Does my life say, 'Christ Jesus, my Lord,' -- definitely and personally, 'my Lord'?...Have I said, 'Thou art my King' to Jesus himself, from the depth of my own heart?... Am I ashamed or afraid to confess my allegiance in plain English among his friends or before his foes?

For thine own sake pardon all my past disloyalty, and make me by Thy mughty grace from this moment totally loyal! For 'Thou art my King.'

Joy from this morning

This morning I decided to read to Malaki to get our day started on the right foot... I hope I can be consistent with that - but that is another story.

I was encouraged by a couple of verses in Psalm 40:
Verse 3 He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord.

Verse 16 But may all who seek you rejoyce and be glad in you; may those who love your salvation say continually, "Great is the LORD!" **the NKJV says "The LORD be magnified!"**

I was also reading in the book, "Gleanings from the Godhead" and was struck with the firm realization that me praising the Lord is not adding anything to his Glory. He is already high above and far beyond my imagination. I am thankful anyway that I have been called to salvation and to say continually, "Great is the Lord!"

The beginning of my bliss

I just started attending a ladies book study. We are going to be going through the book The Pilgrims Progress by John Bunyan. I'm looking forward to what I can learn from it. Yesterday, as we were reading, Christian came to the foot of the cross and his burden fell off of his back and rolled into the tomb. below is the song Christian sings as an expression of joy and relief. Reading this really encouraged me. The notes in my book also add, "A Christian can sing, though alone, when God doth give him the joy of his heart. "

Thus far did I come laden with my sin;
Nor could ought ease the grief that I was in,
Till I came hither: what a place is this!
Must here be the beginning of my bliss?
Must here the burden fall from off my back?
Must here the strings that bound it to me crack?
Blessed cross! blessed sepulchre! blessed rather be
The man that there was put to shame for me.

Lord - thank you for relief!

Baby, it's cold outside... and inside

I apologize.
My lack of posting is a result of two things:

1. It's cold! Our computer is in the basement and it is just plaing uncomfortable to spend time down here. When I come downstairs I rarely feel like staying very long. As I type, I am wearing gloves with the fingertips cut out for typing. I look like a mugger, but it's a little warmer this way.

2. The second reason I have not posted in so long is a little more weighty. I just haven't been "feelin' it." Sometime after Christmas I seem to have fallen into a sort of blue funk. It didn't seem right for me to try to post something meaningful on the internet when I could barely feel my heart beating (spiritually). I've been plodding through, reading my chapters and trying to pray but still held captive in the slough of despond. I'm thankful for Brian, who has not given up on me. he brought it up the other night - and while that was painful - it was the best thing for me. It showed me that he hadn't given up on me and he wanted to see me better. I needed to be called out on my attitude. Since he talked to me I have started to feel the thaw. Brian was an example to me of Christ. He spoke to me in a loving way - not glossing over my fault - but pointing me to my blessed hope. Every day is not a happy day; but it can be a joyful and hopeful day if my mind is on things above.
Thanks Bri.

1 Peter 1:3-9
3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,
4 to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you,
5 who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.
6 In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials,
7 so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.
8 Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory,
9 obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

Psalm 73:23-28

This is the passage I wanted to memorize before Malaki was born. He came early and quickly - so I didn't have time. I love how it talks about about the God who never fails.

My flesh and my heart are quick to fail; but God is my strength and he holds my right hand and when I am running away he takes me to where I am safe and protected in Him.
He is my sanity.


23 Nevertheless, I am continually with you;
you hold my right hand.

24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will receive me to glory.

25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.

26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

27 For behold, those who are far from you shall perish;
you put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you.

28 But for me it is good to be near God;
I have made the Lord God my refuge,
that I may tell of all your works.

On your mark...

Get set, GO!
I've never had a blog before, and I've never thought of myself as a blogger - whatever that is - but here I am. It's a new adventure and I think I'm up for it. I'd like to use this small space of internet-land to share my thoughts, but mostly just as a way for me to keep track of what I'm learning and thinking for my own benefit (to remind me that there is more to think about than Malaki's bowel movements and sleep patterns).
Thanks for reading, please bear with me!